Saturday, July 28, 2012
Living Dead in Dallas: Chapter 9 - Trying to Tie Up Loose Ends
The chapter starts off with Sookie lamenting her "fight" with Bill. I don't remember a fight, but I guess Bill acting like a vampire and her storming off like a little bitch counts as a fight. She decides not to see him for like three weeks. Bill, acting like a gentleman, concedes to her wishes and just leaves her luggage at her door. He also gave her jewelry, which of course she opens. It goes with her ugly dress, so she takes it back to him and leaves it on his porch.
The papers have covered the massacre at Stan's, and the public is generally pretty sympathetic, so of course Sookie mocks the situation. Sam notices that Sookie's being more of a bitch than ever, but leaves her to wallow in her misery. She tries to tell him about the shapeshifter she met in Dallas, but he doesn't want to hear it.
Jason goes over to Sookie's and asks what kind of stick is up her ass. She says Bill broke a promise to her. Um, what promise? Not to avenge a mass killing of vampires? Because I don't remember that scenario ever coming up, and Bill promising to stand idly by while that kind of shit went on. Jason tells her that Bill has been in Bo-hunk Monroe with some other chickie. Not any chickie. Portia Bellefleur. You know, Andy's sister, whose only redeeming physical attribute is her hair. Oh, and it's mentioned that the only thing that Sookie has in common with Portia is having long hair. I think that means that she's jealous because Portia has an education, a good job, and has class. Jason's nice enough to point that out to her, which is awesome. Sookie pouts that the Stackhouses have just as long a history in Bon Temps as the Bellefleurs. I guess that's her only comeback.
Sookie asks what's going on with Andy (remember - the whole finding Lafayette's body in his car, that being all suspicious...the storyline that's been in the far, far background). They talk about the fact that's probably because Lafayette couldn't keep his mouth shut about a sex club he was in. Jason makes the comment that if there was a sex club in Bon Temps, chances are he'd be a part of it. Sookie says maybe it was a gay club, and they knew Jason wouldn't be into taking it up the ass from some dude. Harris makes sure we know Jason is a homophobe. Nice.
Sookie sees Bill and Portia out one night driving. She rages to herself for a bit. Um, artard, you're the one who decided not to talk to him for three weeks and give the jewelry he bought you back to him. So shut the hell up. Andy shows up at the bar, and tells Sookie to take Bill back. He doesn't like the thought of his sister hooking up with a vampire. And she just stares at him.
Because apparently all there is to do in small American towns is watch the high school football games, that's where she goes. She's probably looking for some 17 year old piece of ass. She gets all dressed up for the game, you know, because that's what you do for sporting events. (I've never dolled up for a game - war paint, sure, but come on.) We get (of course) a breakdown of what she wears. First, she curls her hair. She wears:
black knit slacks (who the fuck says slacks?),
a black and red sweater (I automatically thought of Freddy Krueger),
black (hooker) boots, and
a black and red bow in her hair.
Then says "guess what the school colours are". Um, teal and purple? She comments on how sexy she thinks she looks. Yeah, because a red and black bow in your hair is just the shibby. Of course, dozens of people shout out to her how hot she looks as she walks by. But she's just so sad, she can't revel in her adoration. She then pastes one of those creepy smiles on her face.
She goes and sits in the stands with Tara, her only friend from high school. She's sitting with a dude named "Eggs" Benedict. JB is with them - you remember, the hot and dumb as fuck dude that Sookie lets flirt with her sometimes, if she's feeling generous. They offer Sookie a drink, and she turns her nose up at it. Doesn't she know that alcohol makes sports even more fun to watch? JB pulls Sookie close after telling her what a hot piece of ass she is. JB kisses Sookie on the cheek, and she returns it. Then sees Bill looking at her. I call bullshit on that. I'm sure she noticed Bill first, and decided to make him jealous. We, the reader, get a review of how great it was being with Bill because of the lack of hearing how dudes would always think about other chicks or how they would critique her body when Sookie was making out with them. So, yeah, anyhow, Bon Temps wins the football game.
Sookie gets home, and Bill surprises her at her door, and lays a kiss on her. They can't keep their hands off each other, and Sookie starts making weird noises that Bill must find sexy. And then they screw. Sookie revels in her triumph over Portia (not in the fact that she and Bill are back together, which speaks volumes about what a douche Sookie is), and they luuuuuurv the night away.
Bill decides they need some pillow-talk - meaning they have to talk about Dallas. Which should have happened sooner, if Sookie were any kind of adult. Bill explains that vampires are predatory by nature, and Sookie tries to understand - or as much as her underdeveloped brain can. Then she demands to know what Bill's doing with Portia. Bill says it's because Portia wanted to know more about vampires and their way of life. Sookie says it's just because Portia wanted to get in with the sex club and figured Bill was the best way to do it. This turns Bill on and he and Sookie get busy again.
When they're done (again), Bill asks if Sookie really sucked a bullet out from Eric's shoulder. She says yes, and Bill reveals that Eric had a knife he could have used to get the bullet out. Sookie seems to be amazed at Eric's deviousness (fucking moron), and Bill says now that Sookie has tasted Eric's blood, he will have some influence on her, and will know what's going on with the Sook.
Oh, and Harris has Sookie use the word "refute", like it's some big feat. And points out that Sookie learned it on her "Word a Day" calendar. It's a pretty common fucking word. MORON!! There are other words I'd like to call her, but they're pretty non-blog friendly.
They go back to talking about Portia and the sex club, and Bill tells Sookie that Portia has absolutely no sexual desire for him, nor him for her. Bill says he has to go soon, since it's almost dawn. Sookie points out that he tore her clothes off, and he says that's why he bought a women's clothing store. Sookie falls asleep and notices, when she wakes up, that Bill has left the earrings he bought for her on her dresser.
Out of the complete fucking blue, and to my complete lack of surprise, Sookie gets invited to the sex club while she's at work. By the town's coroner. Ew. Turns out that Tara and Eggs are part of the sex club, and some other town members. Sookie takes her time thinking about going. She figures that she doesn't owe Andy anything, so who gives a fuck if she could clear his name.
Sam comes up to her and lets her know that the shifter from Dallas called him. I'd be grilling Sookie on how the shifter knew about Sam, but that's all glossed over by saying that the shifter from Dallas called around and tracked Sookie down, then found out who her boss was. Yeah, sure that's what happened. And I'm sure that the shifters in Dallas have nothing better to do than track down some other shifter in a different state. Sam brings up the maenad, and it turns out that Sam's been running around with her in the woods. Sookie's appalled, since you know...the maenad tried to kill Sookie.
What I find funny is...it took until Chapter 9 to bring the maenad storyline back in? Jeebus Christ. Oh, and Sam's fucking the maenad. (Little different from True Blood, huh?)
So, naturally, Sookie turns on her bitch switch and stalks out of work. When she gets home, she calls Bill and leaves a message on his machine about the invite to the sex club. Bill calls her back and tells her to stay out of the woods (because of the maenad), and also to let her know he's out of town. She doesn't want to go to the sexy time party by herself, so she calls Eric. She asks him if he was planning on visiting Bon Temps, and he says yes...and he's gonna hunt that maenad down. But since Sookie invites him to the orgy, he decides to go to that instead. Sookie says she's going in order to read the attendees' minds. She also asks Eric to pretend to be gay. He asks what time he should be there. And the chapter ends there, haha.
Overview: Basically, this chapter is a mad attempt to include all the story lines in order for the book to be wrapped up with a nice, shiny bow (perhaps similar to the one that Sookie wore in her hair to the big Game). Sookie and Bill make up and fuck like bunnies. Sookie is invited to a (possibly criminal) sex gang, and finds out one of her good friends, Tara, is a member. Sooke finds out that Sam has been getting it on with the maenad. We are notified AGAIN about how dangerous the maenad is. Even though we haven't heard about this god-damned maenad for...I don't even know how many chapters.