Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Club Dead: Chapter 1 - Bill...a Computer Geek?

I know what you  must be thinking...how come so many posts in such a short time? Well, I've given myself  a kick in the ass, and let me tell you - I'm not as flexible as I thought I was. Anyhow, on with the Sookie series of moron-dom.

Club Dead:  Book 3

The book starts off with Sookie being pissed off because Bill is working on a computer. He seems to be more attached to it than he does to Sookie. She tries to turn him on, but she gets no reaction from him.

Now, Bill, don't you know that when Sookie wants attention, she gets attention? She's a hard working waitress who wants some loving from her boyfriend as soon as she walks in the door. So, she creeps behind him and gives his back the stink eye. How dare he not rip her clothes off? Because she's nosey and has to know everything, she starts to look at Bill's computer as he works. He notices and turns it right off. Um, mind your freaking business, Sookie. 

Harris starts talking about the ways you know how vamps are turned on, and about fang-bangers, and makes sure to note that Sookie isn't a fang-banger. Really? And you're going to stick to that story. Oooohhhh-kay. 

Sookie continues on with her bitchy self, and uses her word of the day - libido. Wow, she must have a very limited vocabulary if these are words she's just learning in her late (or mid, whatever) twenties. Bill tells her to forget what she saw on the computer, which is Bill making a vampire database, complete with photos. He tells her it's secret, and she has to struggle with herself to decide whether to stay or not. Wow. You interrupt your boyfriend working, and you expect him to be all "I'm so sorry, honey, I should have stopped that stupid important work that I've been hired to do as soon as you came in!!" Who has hired him to do this work? The queen of Louisiana. Sookie finds it funny that there's a queen of Louisiana. I don't know why it's so funny, but maybe you have to have the IQ of a toadstool to find certain things funny. You certainly do to think that saying "I must be gonna live" is at all in the English language okay to say. 

The queen lives in New Orleans, which is a mecca for vampires. Harris babbles on about why vamps were able to mainstream into society, and all that "I'm writing a new book, so I can fill up some pages with re-hashed bullshit" nonsense is out. Really, for a couple pages, she just talks about the world's reaction to vampires. Now what I find funny is that France, Italy and Germany are noted as not being vampire friendly, but the USA is. I doubt it. From what I can tell as an outsider, the US (or at least, those in decision making power) isn't really too fond of people unless they're white, rich, straight and of the male persuasion. I do realise I'm generalising, and I know it's not everyone, but when I look at their laws on gay marriage et al...France, Italy and Germany could generally give a fuck, but...anyhow, that's politics, and I just call BS on the USA being the leader in vampire tolerance. Maybe some day it will change.

Sookie wants to know how much more time will be wasted working when he could be spending time pleasuring her, and he says as long as it takes. Brava, Monsieur Bill!! Sookie pouts that maybe it's best if she stays away while he's busy, and he says that's a good idea. Sookie's about to start whimpering, and Bill starts talking to her (well, to her back, since he only deserves to talk to her ass right now) and says that if anything happens to him, there's copies of everything in his sleeping place. Oh, and that if he's not back in a couple months, she should seek Eric's protection, because he's going to Seattle. I don't know what Seattle has to do with anything, but I guess we'll find out. 

On her way to work the next day, Sookie drives by the Bellefleur house, and notices that all sorts of renos are going on. Harris makes sure to note that Sookie's gramma died. Does this have anything to do with anything? You bet it doesn't. Sookie believes that the sudden wealth has nothing to do with the Bellefleurs and everything to do with her. I don't understand why at all. Because you said Mrs. Bellefleur's full name in front of Bill, and he figured out FOR HIMSELF that he was related to them, and therefore gave them HIS money? Yeah, and why exactly are you responsible? Oh, that's right, you're not. Sookie didn't even find out who the murderer was, the maenad did, and then the maenad punished (okay, killed) all the murderers. Sookie "tries not to be bitter" (yeah, right) as she drives away, noting that Terry Bellefleur has a new truck (and she can barely afford the maintenance on her old piece of shit car), and thinks to herself that when Bill finally comes back, he'll be able to spend all of his attention on her, and not some stupid important work project. Poor little rejected Sookie.

Overview: Really, nothing to break down. Bill ignores Sookie because he has a job to do. Sookie gets mad. The Bellefleurs are using their money to renovate their house. Sookie gets bitter. Sookie drives away and feels sorry for her pathetic self.


  1. I'm re-reading Club Dead at the moment. I'm going to re-read all the books before DEA comes out. Before I forget I want to thank you for all these posts. I appreciate the time and effort you put in. And, you're absolutely hilarious!

    1. Thanks so much!! Sometimes I want to scratch my eyes out, but knowing that someone finds it amusing makes this self-punishment worth it. Cheers much!!