Here's a lovely quote. Sookie says "I must be gonna live". Now, I googled it, and it's not from a movie. Or a song. So, yeah, it's just fucking stupid. Who the fuck would say that. Seriously. Turns out, Andy and Eggs are still alive. Tara is acting slightly mentally left-behind. Tara, it turns out, is a judgemental douchebag like Sookie, and calls Portia a dog. Harris then calls Tara inferior. So, there's a lot of cuntiness going on in the first couple pages, and not a lot of sense-making. Sam ends up driving Tara home (in her white Camero...Eric has a red Corvette - ah, the delights of thinking upper class but the reality of being white trash). Eric glamours Eggs not to remember what went down, and offers the same to Tara, but she wants to remember what a whore she was. But...after reasoning that Tara might tell what happened at the cabin, Eric glamours her too.
Sookie asks Eric why Bill hates the Bellefleurs (um, I don't think he ever came across as hating them...if so, then why was he hanging out with Portia?) and Eric says it's a tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme...
Um, apparently Portia has has decided to come out to Sex Fire Alley, and runs over to Andy, and accuses the vampires of fucking him up. Sookie says that they (the vampires) saved his life. Bil wakes Andy up, and Andy asks if the
Portia, seeming to be a well adjusted and polite person, apologises for using Bill in order to wrangle an invitation to the sex club. She says she hopes it didn't scar Sookie too much, and thanks Sookie for helping Andy. Sookie, being the WonderKunt she is, bitches at Portia, saying that she wasn't helping Andy, she was doing it for L. Portia then takes Andy home. I hope Bill takes Sookie home soon, and gets her to take some fucking Midol for her PMS.
Sookie asks where the maenad went, and Bill says he doesn't know. Sookie doesn't understand why Sam spent time with the maenad, to which I say that's really none of your fucking business, since Sookie doesn't like it when people question her decision to date vampires, so shaddafuckup. Turns out Bill smoothed everything out in Dallas - I'm thinking that's where he was instead of being Sookie's fuck-buddy at the orgy.
Bill and Sookie go to Sookie's place, and she makes herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (which shows her maturity level). Bill takes a shower, then tells Sookie to join him. She says that it will just be a tease because...ahem..."I'll be clean but...unloved." Really? REALLY? After feelings so disgusted and dirty because of the perverted sex at the cabin? I don't know, but I think after being involved in something like that, I wouldn't really be in the sex mood, especially if Sookie was as disgusted as she claimed to be. Also, take a shower, moron...I'm sure you're covered in blood and goo and terror stank. Instead, she falls alseep and is woken up by Bill the next day, feeling like "mouldy bread". Must be because of her yeast infection.
Naturally, Sookie and Bill fuck as soon as she wakes up. And the dirty whore still hasn't taken a friggin shower yet. After having sex, Sookie decides the most important thing to do is get the newspaper, and that's when she finds a big award winning chocolate cake that Mrs. Bellefleur made, just for Sookie. Bill mentions that the cake smells delicious, and if Sookie could wear it as a perfume that he'd eat her up, and she says he already did. That means that Bill ate dirty smelly Sookie box. I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit. There's a message on Sookie's machine, and it's Mrs. Bellefleur saying thank you for helping Andy. I'm surprised that Sookie doesn't call up old Mrs. Bellefleur and say "Fuck you, old lady, I was helping Lafayette - I told your ugly granddaughter that last night!" Then Sookie says Mrs. Bellefleur's whole name: Caroline Holliday Bellefleur. Bill tells Sookie to go get his Bible from his house - turns out that there's a family tree inside the Bible. Bill starts to go through it, making mention of some of the names. Guess who Bill's great-granddaughter is - you got it!! Old Lady Bellefleur! So, yeah, Bill goes from "hating" the Bellefleurs (which I still don't recall being stressed ever) to being related and wanting to do something for them. Sookie tells Bill they need money, because they're cash poor. Really? Andy works on the police force and Portia is a successful (from what I can tell) lawyer. Why is there no money? Anyhow, Sookie asks why Bill didn't like the Bellefleurs before, and he says it's because the story he told to Sookie's gran's old lady club - the one about the soldier who was calling for help in the middle of a field - it was a Bellefleur. I don't know if I recapped that story. Nope, I did not. Whatever, Bill told a story about a soldier crying for help in the middle of a battlefield and one of his co-soldiers (whatever they're called) died trying to save him. He's apparently hated the Bellefleurs ever since.
Bill thanks Sookie. Why? Because she makes him feel human. Bill says if anything ever happens to him, Sookie should go to Eric. He says the Fellowship are still dangerous. The book ends with Bill's skin was glowing in the dark, and so was Sookie's. I don't know if that's more a metaphorical thing, but I really don't care.
Overview: Eric and Bill clean up the maenad's mess. The maenad killed everyone but Sookie, Tara, Eggs and Andy. Bill and Sookie screw (I don't even know if this is worth repeating all the time, but I enjoy it). Sookie gets a cake. Bill gets a family.