Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Living Dead in Dallas: Chapter 6 - Basements are Bad, Mmmmmkay?

First off, I would like to apologise to you all. I have been a very, very neglectful girl. Trust me when I say that had I written during the last month or so, I would have been a total bitchface. So, yeah, you are all welcome. Anywhooooooo, on with the show.

We left off with Sookie and Hugo being herded into the basement. Of course, Sookie goes back to her fall-back artarded smile because she's all nervous. It's noted that Hugo is perr darn scared. Well, of course he is. We'll know why in a few pages (I think). The Newlins put on the pretence of wanting to show them a bomb shelter in the basement. Really? Because that's not creepy at all. Could you imagine some dude (or chick, depending on sex preference) saying "Hey, babe, wanna come see my underground bomb shelter? It's pretty rad." But maybe that's hot stuff in the South. They all go traipsing down the stairs: Sookie, Hugo, Steve, Sarah, and Polly.

Hugo's in denial of the shit that's likely to go down in the basement. Sookie allots this to him being middle class. I guess that's Sookie admitting to the fact that she's low class. She also admits to herself that she is not a civilised person. If she'd have asked me, I could have told her that, like, a book ago. Freaking savage woman...

They get to the bottom of the stairs, and a big dude with a crew cut named Gabe opens the door. I would just like to say that Gabe is my sister's name, so the name Gabe doesn't really instill the fear of god in me. It makes me think of a baby sister. Gabe wants Sarah to show Sookie and Hugo around, and for Steve to come take a look at the "guest room". That's not foreshadowing. I swear, Harris is as subtle as a sledgehammer. Sookie starts whining to Hugo about how she does NOT want to be in the basement. Steve says to go sit in the fucking room and wait until he fucking comes back. Sookie shoves Steve and knocks him back a bit - you know, because she's all strong and shit from the vamp juice. She starts to run up the stairs, but Gabe grabs her ankle and gives her a good stair beating. Well, she falls down and goes boom, really. But he hurt her. Damn, Gabe, you are in for a world of hurt now. Nobody  hurts Sookie and walks away to tell about it. Gabe shoves Hugo and Sookie into some little room, and Hugo points out that her face is messed up. Hugo, don't do that. Don't point out her flaws. The room is pretty sound proof, so Sookie decides to "listen" to Hugo. He needs to pee, and this makes Sookie want to beat the shit out of him with a chair. Jeez, Hugo, way to think too loud. He's also thinking some random-seeming thoughts about Isabel. From this, Sookie realises that he was the traitor. Yeah, because that's so fucking clear from the thoughts Harris wrote in one sentence. Jeebus. Sookie confronts him with her suspicions, and he goes on about how he was first a traitor to the human race by being with Isabel and representing vampires but then the Fellowship changed his mind. He was the one who gave Sookie's name to the guy at the airport, which was an epic failure. Oh, and  Hugo was responsible for Bethany's murder, because he passed on information that she'd seen Farrell with Godfrey to someone but it's not clear how he's exactly responsible - but Sookie declares it so, therefore he must be. Hugo's a vampire hating motherfucker. Sookie points out that he's in the room, just like she is, so he must be expendable to the Fellowship.

Gabe comes in and Hugo tells him that Sookie knows that he's with the Fellowship and to let him the fuck out. Gabe says he'd rather re-introduce Hugo to Farrell (who is chained up in another room) and alludes to the fact that Farrell will most likely be eating and fudge-packing Hugo. Sookie decides to take this time and further assess her injuries. Because Sookie doesn't know when to shut the hell up and isn't quite done with her daily beating session, she yells to Farrell that Stan has sent them, and Gabe gives her a backhand and tells her to shut up. Bitch. Haha, I love Gabe. Hugo kinda shuffles out, and Sookie thinks about what a chicken shit he is. I'm sorry, Sookie, but not every asshole is going to risk his life for you. Gabe shoves Hugo into Farrell's room and Sookie starts to freak out.

Seriously, what kind of basement is this? Doesn't sound like a church basement to me...I remember the basement of the church I went to for a little while when I was a kid. It had a playhouse and a chalkboard. Not in a creepy way - it was where the Sunday School was. Oh man, that still sounds creepy.

Sookie grabs a plastic chair to use as a weapon. Sounds effective. Gabe walks in and makes fun of her, and starts walking toward her. She charges at him and amazingly (you know, because she's Sookie and also because Harris tells you about 20 times that Sookie's had vampire blood) almost gets the better of him, but he still manages to overpower her and stun her with his stun gun. I'm liking Gabe more and more. He starts to make the moves to rape her (because nobody can resist the Sookie - and I'm thinking she's probably a lot more appealing unconscious) and Sookie tries to fight. When she gets her arms free, she "claps...hand over his ears". Really? That's the best you got? Maybe that hurts, but come on. Don't you have super sonic vampire blood in you? Why is it failing you now?

All of a sudden, Gabe goes flying (with his dick hanging out of his pants, it's pointed out), and Sookie's saviour turns out to be Godfrey. He tells Sookie that he plans to go out in the sun in the morning to die, because he's a vampire and therefore evil. Godfrey gives Sookie a bit of shit for hanging with vampires, and Sookie says it's for love. That makes it okay. The Fellowship is full of hate. That makes them bad. While they're talking, Godfrey is killing Gabe. They talk some theology, like who is innocent, what can redeem people from being evil (dying, apparently). Sookie tells him he should just go out in the sun now, but Godfrey wants it to be all pomp and circumstance. Oh, and Farrell is going to be with Godfrey. Godfrey also tells Sookie that she was going to be traded with a vampire, if the vamps were open to that trade. Sookie is apparently shaming Godfrey. Yeah, because some self-admitted low class vamp tramp would shame a thousand plus year old vampire who has thought about his death for maybe hundreds of years with no problem. Sookie blabbles on and on, and Godfrey counters by asking when the last time Sookie was in church. She says it was last week, and she took Communion. Now, my lovely readers, do you remember hearing about that? Because I don't. I'm sure if that were true, we would have had a blow by blow of the outing, including what kind of outfit she wore. This changes Godfrey's mind, and Sookie starts to lead Godfrey out of the basement. As they're walking out, Sarah and Polly are in a room talking about some boring shit, and Polly almost sees Sookie, but Godfrey shoves her out of the way. I hope she broke her other cheekbone from that. So, yeah, Polly and Sarah start gushing to Godfrey about how he's such a big boy, ready to meet the sun, and Godfrey asks what would happen if he changed his mind. Polly and Sarah get all flustered and start bringing up all the children that Godfrey has killed, etc. Then the decision is made to get Steve in there to talk some sense into G. Sookie starts thinking "Help" and wonders if she can make a long distance collect telepath call to Barry. She gathers up all her energy and does a mental tweet to Barry (or whoever else might be listening). Barry picks up on her brain waves and they have a mental conversation about where she is, who Barry should tell, what should happen. Barry then cuts her off, which seems to surprise Sookie, because nobody should be able to protect his or her brain against her.

While this is going on, Steve is trying to talk Godfrey into staying and dying for them. Godfrey asks what will happen to Farrell, Hugo and Sookie if he leaves. Steve says that Farrell will still go out in the sun, and that Hugo and Sookie deserve to die because of their sinful relationships with vampires. It sounds like they'll be tied to Farrell (though not explicitly stated) so they burn with him.

Sookie, who is standing there like an artard, is greeted by one of the Fellowship members, who notices that she has blood on her shirt. This raises some flags (rightfully so - not everyone has blood on their clothes all the time, Sook), but the one minority Hispanic shapeshifter woman, Luna, comes along and saves Sookie from being found out. Luna not only saves Simple Sookie from being found out, but also leads her right out of the church. Luna asks how Sookie knew she was a shapeshifter (and if this was pointed out before, I missed it and apologise) and Sookie says because she has a friend who's a shifter. She then gets all bitchy when Luna asks who he is, and says "And I won't tell you without his consent." Fuck, bitch, she didn't ask for his life story. Luna then asks what Sookie's story is (why she was at the church), and Sookie gives her the very abridged Coles Notes version. Luna uses the word "supe" and Sookie, because she's dumber than a fricking stump, has no idea what that means. Luna has to spell it out that it means "supernatural". Luna tells Sookie to relay the message that the shapeshifters have the church all scoped out. Harris takes this opportunity to point out how much shapeshifters hate vampires, bla bla bla.

Sookie asks Luna for a ride to the hotel and Luna tells her to find her own fucking way back. As Sookie begins to limp away, feeling sorry for herself, the church lights come on, and Luna decides it's time to get the fuck out of Dodge, and might as well take Sookie with her. The church is blocking all the exits out of the parking lot, so Luna goes on a four-by-four expedition with her SUV. Sookie actually yells "Yee-hah!" while Luna drive on the lawn. Fucking moron.

Sookie and Luna get on a major road, and they started talking about what they should do - who they should call, what the next step in their Thelma and Louise adventure should be. Sookie tells Luna she's a telepath, and then gets pissy at Luna for poking some fun at her. Douche. They get rear-ended, and somehow this makes the SUV flip. Ok. Sarah (who was in the car that rammed Luna's car with Polly) puts her hand in the window and Sookie bites her. I guess that kind of behaviour will rub off on you if you hang out with vampires long enough. Sookie can tell that another car containing non-Fellowship people has pulled up to see what's going on. The person who pulled up has called the cops, and ignores Polly when she tries to say Sookie is just her drunk ass sister. When the guy won't let Polly and Sarah take Sookie away, they try to leave, but the dude wants them to stick around so that the cops can get the insurance shit from the two Fellowship rammers.

The paramedics show up and Sookie just about creams her undies because the paramedic is hot. The Hottie Paramedic has a partner, a fat white woman, who says Sookie and Luna should get to the hospital for x-rays.  So they get. Luna manages to get a shifter doctor or something, and Luna calls Sookie "Marigold". Luna says that they need to get whatever they need to have done, done and get the heck outta there. Sookie gets worked on by the doctor, and Luna wheels her out in a chair and blindfolds her. I guess so she doesn't see her drivers of the car who are taking her back to the hotel? I dunno. It makes no real sense. The drivers start making fun of Sookie, and for once, Sookie isn't a whiny bitch about it. She just takes it. Luna starts talking to the drivers (who are werewolves) about what a bad-ass Sookie is and they're all impressed by her.

They pull up to the hotel, and Eric is waiting for her. One of the drivers thinks Eric looks deeeee-lectable. Well, of course he does. He's Eric. Eric helps Sookie out, and she immediately asks for Bill. Honey, if Bill wanted to see you, he would have been waiting outside like Eric. But yeah, turns out Bill has been one step behind Sookie since the accident. Eric talks to Bill and says that Sookie's back at the hotel, and then Eric starts to tell Sookie what happened at the Fellowship. Eric, while doing so, asks if he can carry Sookie. What is up with all these dudes wanting to carry this bitch? Can she not walk? I mean, we're told over and over again how amazing her legs are. Do they not work? Anyhow, she catches a look at herself in a mirror and she looks horrible, because she's still brunette. She starts crying. Seriously. Because she's wearing a wig and looks a bit of a mess after being nearly murdered and raped and in a car accident and beaten up. Idiot. Eric tells her to shut up and take a bath. That he'll even help her. Of course he will - even all messed up and bloody, Sookie's still a delicious piece of candy. Since Harris has to point out that Sookie is from Louisiana, she talks about some Cajun sausage for absolutely no reason. Eric starts to clean up Sookie's lumps. What lumps? Glass. Um, why wouldn't the hospital have cleaned those out? Whatever.

Bill comes in and fusses over Sookie. They all talk about Gabe, Farrell, Godfrey and the Fellowship. Nothing that hasn't been covered five times over in this chapter. Bill examines Sookie's bruises and washes her. Jaysus. After putting her in bed (wasn't it just stressed how much ass she kicked, and now she's bathed and put in bed like a five year old?), Bill tells her what went down at the church - doors were ripped off hinges, basically. Sookie tells Bill that Godfrey saved her from being pounded by Gabe. Hugo was alive, but only because Farrell likes young boys, not grown men (nice). Sookie asks what will happen to Hugo, and Bill says that's up to Stan. Sookie starts to bitch about it, saying that she had a deal with Stan that no humans would be getting killed. Urm, I seem to remember that she was ready to kill him when they were locked in a cell/room just for thinking things in his head. Bahhhhh!!! The chapter ends with Bill giving Sookie a big, wet smootch.

Overview:  Sookie gets locked in a basement, almost gets raped, and watches a man get killed right in front of her. She then gets into a car accident with a shapeshifter woman. Hugo is a traitor and will most likely be all kinds of killed. Bill does not get any Sookie nookie (**patent pending**) this chapter.

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