Monday, February 06, 2012
Dead Until Dark: Chapter 8 - Sookie, Super Bitch
Sookie and Bill, as we can tell from the last chapter, are together again. They spend pretty much all the dark hours hours together. Sookie has to take vitamins because Bill's drinking a lot of Sookie juice. Sookie's worried about when the next bomb might drop re: Bon Temps men hating vampires. All the waitresses are being super-duper careful when they leave work, but the other women have men. Sookie's the only lone ranger (even though it's pretty much pointed out that Bill's there 24/7 or Sookie's at Bill's - but we must forget that fact, because it doesn't fit in with Harris's storyline).
Jason's being a suckass to Sookie because Sookie has been such a cunt to Jason. So naturally, it's not Sookie's fault - it's Jason's fault. Jason's also become an alcoholic. Oh, and he's falling in lust with another chick named Liz Barrett. Want to make bets on who the next victim of the Bon Temps Killer will be? Jason's been advised not to talk to the po-po unless his lawyer, Sid Matt Lancaster, is present. Remember, he's the guy that Sookie likes based solely on the fact he doesn't treat her like a piece of shit.
Turns out the reason why Jason keeps getting called by the cops is...Jason likes to make movies of him giving his disco stick to the Bon Temps whore battalion. And, being the gentleman he is, he gave copies of the tapes to the dead chicks (minus Gran - I hope to fuck he didn't make sweet, sweet love to his Gran). Jason starts crying as he tells Sookie this and Sookie, being the understanding soul she is, calls him a moron. Pot, meet kettle. She tells him to stop making fuck tapes. Thanks, brainiac. I would hope he'd have learned his lesson. Sookie starts talking about his semen and how they would test it and it wouldn't match with all the spunk found in the dead chicks. Then she calls Jason a moron again. You're both fucking idiots, so suck it.
Jason asks Sookie if she wouldn't mind listening in on people's thoughts to see if she can't find out who the murderer is. It took him this long to think of that, and she's never offered up her mind-reading skills to help out her brother. Douche. She explains her mind-reading a bit to Jason, but he's pretty stupid so doesn't really get it. Liz comes in, and because Jason has the attention span of a 2 year old, he runs over to her and leaves Sookie in the dust. It's okay, because Arlene asks Sookie if she wouldn't mind looking after her little rug-rats, and Sookie just about pisses herself, she's so happy. Arlene asks if Sookie plans on bringing her un-dead beau, and Sookie gets all pissed off because why would that matter? Um, maybe because he drinks blood and she's concerned about her children, you fuck-tard. Arlene says she's not leaving her kids with a blood sucker, and Sookie is all whiny and like "I love your kids, do you think I'd let anything happen to them?". Maybe you couldn't control a strong and fast as hell vampire? Fuck you, Sookie. Fuck you in the ear. Sookie storms out after her whine-fest and leaves Arlene feeling like shit. Sookie, so far, you're 2 for 2 out of shitting on people today. Congrats.
Sookie goes home and Bill's all "Where the fuck were you?" and Sookie's all "I'm PMSing, fuck off." (Please note that the language of the above is said ironically, thanks!) Sookie decides to go outside and dig a hole. I am not kidding. She announces she's going to go outside and dig a hole. Bill helps, because digging a hole in the dark is what he excels at. Once the hole is dug, Sookie decides she's a gonna plant herself a big ole tree. From all that physical exertion, Bill attempts to carry her to the house (the only time I've been carried is by piggy-back, and the last time I got a piggy-back, my boyfriend fell and my ankle got broken. Needless to say, I'm not a big fan of being carried), and Sookie freaks out, screaming "I'm a fucking grown woman, you fuckwad!" (Minus the fucking and you fuckwad.) Sookie pouts and says sorry, and Bill says no problem, let's fuck.
After the fucking, Sookie tells Bill about her day, and how Jason wants her to do some mind snooping, and Bill agrees, saying that if they caught the murderer, both he and Jason wouldn't be subject to the town's suspicion. Bill tells Sookie that Eric wants her to come back. Sookie pretends she doesn't remember Eric. As if. Sookie doesn't want to, and Bill tells her he has to bring her to see Eric, since Eric asked. Sookie freaks out again (seriously this bitch must have hard-core PMS), and Bill tells her that Eric is the boss of Area 10. What does that mean? The area thing means Shreveport and Bon Temps, and who cares where else. Basically, Bill's telling Sookie to shut up and put up. If Sookie doesn't go voluntarily, Eric will send some minions to come out and get her by force. So, surprise, Sookie agrees to go. Man, this chick is some kind of fucked in the head. Bill tries to explain the differences AGAIN to Sookie, but I think she's somewhat mentally left behind. However, since Sookie is Bill's, Eric can't have sex with her and whatever. Turns out all Eric is apparently interested in is Sookie's mind reading. Well, it would be a good weapon to make sure that humans etc. weren't trying to screw Eric over.
To prepare for their trip to Fangtasia, Bill tells Sookie to drink from him, and goes on to list the benefits of her drinking his blood: she hasn't gotten sick, her luscious blond hair is even luscious-ier and blonder, her glowing skin even more glowing, and amazing tits are even more amazing. She had chalked all these side effects up to being relaxed. Um, relaxed? Your gramma was murdered not long ago in your kitchen, your brother is in suspicion of murder as is your boyfriend, and there's a murderer loose in Bon Temps. But sure, relaxed...
Bill promises not to fuck anyone while drinking their blood. From now on, it will be all business. As Sookie's about to drink Bill's blood, he asks her if she's turned on. She's not all that turned on by the thought of drinking blood, and Bill says fine, and does she want to drink from his neck, wrist or groin. Sookie, being the proper prim whore-tard she is, is disgusted by the thought of drinking from his groin. I'm pretty sure she's sucked his dick by now. Maybe not. But I think so. Bill tells her to bite away, and Sookie doesn't think she can, but she does, because that's how Sookie rolls - I knew she was a biter. Sookie starts sucking away, and Bill gets all kinds of turned on. For someone who was grossed out by the idea of drinking blood, she really goes to town. She goes on to think that she's living the high life, especially for a artard waitress from Bum-Fuck, Louisiana.
Overview: Sookie and Bill are inseparable. Jason asks for Sookie's help, and Sookie bitches at him. Arlene asks for Sookie's help, and Sookie bitches at her. Both Jason and Arlene are left feeling guilty and worthless because Sookie is so much better than anyone. Sookie is educated in the benefits of drinking vampire blood. Sookie loves to suck on Bill's...neck.