Saturday, February 25, 2012

Dead Until Dark: Chapter 10 - What's New, Pussycat?

The next day (after almost getting killed by then inadvertently drinking Long Shadow's blood), Sookie notices something. Again. She's sexier, more beeaaauuuutiful and blonder than ever before. What I'd like to know is how this is possible. Isn't she already near perfect? It must hurt to stand beside her. When I think of how Sookie must look, I think of Galadriel (from Lord of the Rings - come on, anyone else a nerd like me?) and how ethereal she was. But Sookie must have surpassed Galadriel by now, no? Anyhow, she drops some coins and can spot them from across the room. 

Is vampire blood akin to being bit by a radio-active spider? Wowzers.

When Sookie goes to work, it's only natural that everyone she works with notices how sexier and blonder she's gotten. You know, because she's the centre of the universe. While talking to Lafayette, she does some prep for the bar, and bazam! She slices and dices like nobody's business. She pretends nothing happened, and puts the fruit away (not Lafayette, the lemons and limes she cut). She shuts the door to the cooler, and when she closes the door, Sam is there. What I'd like to know is...where was he? Hiding behind the cooler door? Or did he sneak up behind her? Whatever, he's there and he's got his arms crossed. That means he's mad.

He notices (of course) that Sookie looks hotter than ever and asks her why she has a bandage on her arm. She says she got bit by a dog. Yeah, good thinking. Sookie gets all aware of Sam - the way his heart beats, his smell, and she can even tell that she's giving him a rock solid boner. Then another waitress comes in, and Sam loses his hard-on. This is because she's plump and dumb. Yes, Brainiac Sookie calls someone else dumb. This waitress is Charlsie, and she seems to be a happy simple sort. Her ass isn't as smokin' as Sookie's; this is pointed out and described as Charlsie's pockets being too full, because she's got too much junk in the trunk. 

Sookie gets to work and listens to people's minds to see if anyone in the lunch crowd has murdered anyone lately. She talks to Mr. Norris for a while (the old man from Gran's funeral) and he is thinking to himself that Jason is the murderer and that his daughter? granddaughter? was lucky not to be strangled by Jason (he caught them making out in Jason's pick up - classy!!). The sheriff is thinking how low class all the victims have been, and Sookie gets all insulted by this. I'm sorry, but wasn't she putting Dawn down before for being low class? Sookie grins her freaky grin, and at least one person is weirded out by her (Lafayette). People are thinking their own thoughts and thinking nothing in general about the murderer or Sookie, so that must piss Sookie off. 

Andy Beautiful Flower comes in with his sister, Portia, who is a lawyer and is therefor fat, manly looking and ugly. Because only waitresses and that ilk are allowed to be hot. Because men hate smart women, and because apparently Harris doesn't think smart women can be hot, Portia doesn't get any action. Andy is thinking about how sexy Sookie is (finally someone is thinking about Sookie again!) and feels bad that he's going to have to arrest Jason. Well, if that's where the evidence points you, I guess. Sex tapes - let this be a warning to you!! If you're going to beat a woman then have sex with her (or vice versa), don't tape it! While Andy's thinking this, Sookie forgets that she's a waitress and stares at Andy, probably with her mouth open, and the Bellefleurs ask her if she's going to get their order or what the fuck. 

Sookie's shift ends at work, and she starts to feel sorry for herself. Because she was such a bitch to Arlene, she can't confide in her, and besides, Arlene is too stupid (in Sookie's opinion) to understand what is going on in Sookie's life. She's got absolutely no one to talk to. That's what you get for having superficial relationships with people and getting mad at them for no good reason on your part. 

Sookie goes back to Merlotte's in the evening because she has nothing better to do than return to her place of work after working a full day. Actually, she goes there to listen in on thoughts again, I think.  She doesn't really know the waitresses working the evening shift. I have to big is Bon Temps, and how many people does Sam have working for him? When I worked in restaurants/bars, I always knew the people I worked with. But then again, I cared to know. Jason's at the bar, and when Sookie comes in, he thinks it might be a chick he can bang and is disappointed when it's just his sister. He gets all pissed off that she's there. I think bi-polarism must run in the Stackhouse clan. Sookie tells Jason that she's been mind reading but nothing's come up re: murderous thoughts. So Jason buys her a drink. Yeah, bi-polar for sure. "Why aren't you a chick I can fuck? Let me buy you a drink." Maybe he's thinking that with enough liquor...

Bill comes into the bar with a chick, and Sookie immediately deems her a whore. I'm wondering if she's looking into a mirror. Sookie, having had 2 drinks, is hammered and pouty. Just because Sookie left without saying goodbye or leaving a's no reason for Bill to go and find a replacement! And in just one day, never the less! Sookie wants to beat her up (I wonder where her street-fighting chain is), beat Bill up (I'd like to see that), then wants to cry. Turns out, Eric sent the floozy to Bill as a reward. Sookie can tell that Bill hasn't drank from her, because he's all pasty and icky looking. They go outside to talk. Bill drags the chick along and Jason comes running after. Not sure why. Being a good brother? Anyhow, turns out the floozy (Desiree) knows Jason. Bill wants Desiree to go home and Jason offers to drive her back to her home town (Monroe). Guess who's gonna be the star of Jason's next home movie!!! Sookie, being the swift thinking individual she is, wonders what Jason's motive is for driving Desiree home. HOLY FUCK, WOMAN, seriously? 

Bill and Sookie need to talk, and they go to Jason's house. Why? No idea. No real reason other than she doesn't want to go to Bill's and I'm not sure why but she doesn't think her house is safe to be with Bill. So they go to a romantic pond by Jason's house. Bill asks if the occurrences at Fangtasia scared her, and she's all "dur, grab a clue". Bill asks Sookie if she wants to be with him, and she doesn't answer him. He asks her if she loves him, and she says yes. He then tells her to knock it off with the "I'm leaving you" talk. Original storyline. Turns out, Sookie's scared of what Eric can make her do, and who he'll threaten to make her do his bidding. Bill tells Sookie that Eric finds her all sorts of fascinating, since Sookie is so beautiful and obviously has sweet, sweet blood. They then laugh about how delusional Desiree is, because someone once told her she was special in order to fuck her. It's affirmed again that the only reason Eric hasn't fucked Sookie 3 ways and sideways is because of Bill (nice emotional subterfuge, Bill!), and bla bla bla. They talk about Eric, but nothing really exciting: he's old, he's Pam's sire, he's bossy and used to getting what he wants. They talk, and I don't think anything new is said, really. They talk about Eric more, about the murders, who they think the murderer is, and then Sookie says something positive and bright because that's our Sookie.  Bill says he has to make some calls when he gets home. This is important, but not at all important at the same time.

Sookie goes home after talking and no kissing (boring, that's not what men are for!), and when she gets inside, someone throws something at her door. Sookie freaks out and calls Bill (hoping his line isn't busy because remember? he was going to make some phone calls) and he comes running over. He picks something up from the porch, and Sookie has a bad feeling. It's Sookie's cat. Someone killed her pussy. Remember that hole Sookie dug the other chapter? Well, instead of a tree, she's going to plant a cat. What foresight! Sookie starts crying after the burial (sounds like she has more emotion when a cat dies than her grandmother). She asks Bill to stay, and says he can make his phone calls from her house. She's fine if they're long distance calls. Bill says not to worry about it, he's got a phone card. This was what I assume the big deal is with him having to go home to make phone calls. For Harris to say that Bill has a phone card, and for Sookie to be amazed at this fact. Is it just me, or would a flush toilet amaze Sookie? Sookie's all sad and shit that her cat died, because she brushed and fed the cat and it was all for nothing, because now it's dead. Oh, and she makes a point of saying that the cat dying is sadder than her Gran dying. Fuck, she's a hero.

Overview: Sookie is somehow hotter and hotter every chapter, even though I didn't think it was possible for her to up her game, being that she's awesomer than awesome. Sookie listens into people's thoughts, but comes up with sweet fuck all. Portia Bellefleur is a fugly loser who can't get a date. Sookie's pussy dies. 

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