Friday, May 04, 2012

Living Dead in Dallas: Chapter 4 - Sookie Does Dallas

So, the chapter starts out with Sookie and Bill arriving in Dallas, and Sookie is sweating like a pig. I guess she's never heard of deodorant. But whatevs. A priest comes up to her and asks if he can help her. Because Sookie is a master of judging people, she notices that he doesn't look like a priest because his hair isn't military shaved and he has a moustache...aka pussy tickler. Um, Sook? Yeah, can't you read minds? If you think this guy is sketchy, why don't you just do a little mind reading to see what is going on? But I guess that would make too much sense.

We get a rundown of Anubis Air, which is pretty boring. Note: Anubis is a Greek god who is the protector of the dead and their tombs, so haha, how funny it is that it's the airline for vampires. Harris must have had a real hard on for Greek mythology in this book. A+ for trying to be witty and intelligent. Please note I said trying, not succeeding.

Anyhow, the priest wants to help because he assumes that she's bringing a deceased loved one to Dallas. I guess technically she is, but he's the living dead. So, finally, she decides to do some mind reading. The priest is waiting for some people to show up. Sookie is getting some creeper vibes from this dude, grabs her pepper spray, and talks to him for a bit. It's not very interesting. The baggage/coffin handlers bow for some reason and the priest yells "Help me, Jesus" and grabs Sookie's arm. So, yeah, the priest isn't a priest. Sookie starts flailing around and yells for Bill. Bill wakes up and the priest runs away. Sookie dismisses the incident as being weird. You know what's weird? Being a mind reader and not knowing what the fuck is going on inside people's heads. Anyhow...

Bill asks Sookie if she's okay, and of course she is. Bill asks if there was anything unusual about the flight, and Sookie puts on her bitch face and says that since it was her first flight, how the fuck would she know if anything unusual happened. Um, because you'd notice if something weird was going on? You don't have to be a seasoned flyer to realise if something unusual is going on. Asshole. She talks about the priest, and Bill says they'll talk about it later. Bill bitches out the baggage handlers for not helping her. Um, why would they help her? Because a priest was talking to her and she freaked out? They're not fooking mind-readers. Bill asks her why she didn't listen into his thoughts (good question) and she said it's because she had shielded her mind during the flight. What a shitty excuse. Five paragraphs ago, Harris mentions that the priest-dude was a clear broadcaster. If he was so clear, why couldn't she see what he was thinking. But that would make too much sense. Sookie tells Bill she thinks the priest was there to kidnap her. Bill doesn't really say anything about that and asks about the flight again. Sookie describes it as exciting. Now, I've been on plenty of planes, both national and international flights, and let me tell you, unless you're in a small plane where you get to steer for 2 seconds, flights are NOT exciting. Sookie talks about how she was shown what to do if the plane crashed, bla bla bla. That is the most boring part of the flight, and nobody pays attention. Oh, and she got drinks. Wow. You're fucking amazing, Sookie. So, yeah, that's how interesting their conversation is. You get a whole page of that. 


So, they start to head out of the airport. We get another description of what Sookie's wearing, because Bill says she looks pretty. She's wearing a grey suit over a white shell (is she a mermaid? Can't she say blouse or camisole?), earrings, heels and has a purse. Oh, and what the hell is a Hairagamis? That's what she's wearing. Let's Google, shall we? Oh, she put her hair in a friggin bun. And needed a piece of wire in order to do so.

Of course, she looks super professional (??) and Bill thinks she looks hot. But she wishes she were in her white t-shirt and black shorts. Wah, bitch. It's called dressing the part. I'm sorry you can't wear your Walmart clothes everywhere. 

They get to the vampire hotel and the bellboy comes out. His name is Barry and...HE'S A MIND READER!! Oh my goodness gracious! Of course, he's not as good as Sookie (who is?), and she critiques his blocking abilities. I'm sorry, but didn't Bill teach Sookie how to block, oh...a book ago? Fucking hypocritical wench. Anyhow, the stupid part about this is that Barry's kind of intimidated by vampires, yet chose to work at a vampire hotel. I'm starting to think that telepaths are quasi-mentally handicapped.  Of course, after reading this is Barry's mind, Sookie is smug with herself that she was never scared of Bill like Barry is. Shaddup. 

A woman vampire meets Bill and Sookie in the lobby (for some reason, we don't get a breakdown of what she's wearing - I'm slightly disappointed in you, Harris). Her name is Isabel, and she tells them that she wants to meet with them when they're done putting their luggage away. Bill says he's hungry (yum yum) and Isabel says to order room service. I love it!! Sookie says something about ordering from a menu, but I don't really care. Bill orders someone to feed from, and Sookie gets all jealous. Instead of communicating this with Bill (who already told her this scenario would most likely happen), she suppresses her feelings, as always, and puts her shit away. Bill finishes up and fetches Sookie. Bill tells her not to carry her purse, and to put the room card in her underwear. Now, if I were Sookie, I'd slip it into my bra. That would the the most reasonable place to put it. I mean, really, would you want to put a hotel key in your gitch? What if it went into...places? You know that Harris has a reason for saying this. It's because she wants you to know that Sookie is wearing a THONG!! I guess she's moved up from French cut underwear. This is also a way to go on about Sookie's tanned, silky skin, and I'm going to vomit. So she puts it under the thong on the side. Bill says the card will probably fall out, so she changes the position of the card. Like, seriously people. I want to slap the book. Put it in your fucking bra, you artard. Anyhow, after Bill calms his urges, they hit the lobby, and head out somewhere in Isabel's car. She gives them a bit of a tour, but who cares. Sookie gets excited about doing some tourist stuff, and here is a quote "Bill smiled...He could pick up on my slightest mood, which was wonderful most of the time." Really, Sookie? Because you seem like a supreme bitch most of the time. 

They get to a mansion and we get a boring description of the fact that there are humans and vampires in this mansion, and a boring description of the mansion. Bill is welcomed by Stan Davis, who is, in Sookie's opinion, a geek. He wears:

  a pinstriped oxford cloth shirt and

cotton-poly blend pants. 

Sounds better than most of Sookie's hideous outfits, besides the blend pants, and she's judging him? Okay, douche. She finds out she can kind of read his mind, but then "wipes" her mind clean of reading his thoughts. How come? I have no idea. The vamps aren't mind readers. It's probably because she's an idiot. Of course, Stan thinks Sookie's hot. But who doesn't? So yeah, Stan Davis is a head vampire. He gets one of his minions to bring in a human woman, and she freaks out. She yells at Sookie for help, and Sookie immediately judges her as stupid. Need I comment on this? Sookie thinks about how non-threatening she is, and we get a description of how she sees herself: "blond and bosomy and tan and young." Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Haven't we heard it enough? But she's not dumb, oh no, she just looks stupid. I wonder if she's met herself, haha. 

So, Stan says he wants Sookie to read this woman's mind and find out where their "brother" is. Vamps that are close to one another apparently call each other "brother" and "sister". This vamp, Farrell, has been missing for five days. He was last seen at the bar he works at, The Bat's Wing. Harris goes on about vampire bars again, and I could give a fuck. Sookie says if she reads this woman's (Bethany) mind and finds out what they want to know, Bethany goes free. Stan agrees (but he's mad about it - blah). Sookie asks for a description of Farrell and gets one. Sookie judges Farrell on his clothing, as she does everyone else. I think she really needs therapy to get an idea of what kind of judgemental and narcissistic person she is. I know this has nothing really to do with the book, but here's a definition of narcissism:
  • Reacts to criticism with anger, shame or humiliation
  • May take advantage of others to reach their own goal
  • Tends to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents
  • Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
  • Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
  • Easily becomes jealous
  • Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others
  • Obsessed with oneself
  • Mainly pursues selfish goals
  • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
  • Is easily hurt and rejected
  • Sets unrealistic goals
  • Wants "the best" of everything
  • Appears as tough-minded or unemotional
The above is the Wikipedia definition. Below is the definition from the DSM V:

  • Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.
  • Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often aware of own motivations.
  • Impaired ability to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over-or underestimate own effect on others.
  • Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others' experiences and predominant of a need for personal gain.
  • Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert; self-centerness; firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others; condescending toward others.
  • Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.
Sound like anyone you know? Okay, there's my psych degree coming into play. Sorry. On with the summary.

Stan gets everyone to leave the room, and Sookie starts the interrogation. Sookie amazes Bethany with her mind reading skills and Sookie mentally makes fun of Bethany because Bethany is so amazed. Bethany thinks she's a psychic, but Sookie talks down to Bethany, and says that she's a telepath. Then Sookie starts to think hey, what if I am a psychic? Then she'd be doubly talented. I mean, really, could she be any more amazing? She's so hogging all the paranormal talents. So Sookie gets to business, and Bethany tells Sookie how pretty she is. For fucks sake, really? Sookie returns the compliment, then goes on to break down how unattractive Bethany is. Her mouth is too small. She's thin with small breasts. She has brown hair. In short, she ain't no Sookie. Oh, we find out now that Sookie can also hypnotise people. I don't remember reading that, but it might have been mentioned. When I get bored with Harris's prattle, I tend to skim over parts. She starts talking about Bethany getting her hair done because that's her favourite thing in the world. We're told about this hair shit IN DETAIL for a page and a half. Sookie starts reading her mind, and it's dull as fuck. Even Sookie is bored. Harris, how do you think the reader feels? Bethany has a roommate, Desiree. A description? Sure!! "...self-designated siren, a little too plump, a little too blond, and convinced of her own eroticism." Wow, that sounds familiar. So, after 2 pages of describing nothing important, Sookie sees Farrell in Bethany's mind. Bethany concentrates on Farrell and bla bla bla, boring. He goes into a bathroom with a vampire. Blond, 16 years old-ish, tattoo. She describes this vamp to Stan, and Stan reacts in surprise. Bethany doesn't remember Farrell or Blondie coming out of the bathroom. Then a name flashes in her mind, and Sookie asks about it. Bethany freaks out, but thinks the name again. Stan lets Bethany go home, but not before he erases her memory. Turns out, the guy who Bethany thought of is a bouncer at the club. We get a summary of what Sookie got while in Bethany's head (why? Just to fucking torture me by reading it again). Harris goes on again about how sometimes Sookie can read vampire minds. Boring. Stan says he doesn't know Blondie, but does know the bouncer. His name is Re-Bar. Seriously. Re-bar. He's human, and only takes care of human rowdies. Stan goes to get him, and in the meantime, Sookie has a flash of one of the patrons in the bar from Bethany's memories. It's the priest-dude. Sookie asks if Farrell is gay, since he frequents bathrooms with other dudes. Stan confirms this, and Sookie emphasises that she's cool with the gay crowd. I guess we'll see if this is at all important information later.

Re-Bar comes in, and isn't exactly how Bethany sees him in her mind. In real life, he's fatter and sloppy. So, apparently, Sookie is completely superficial. Re-Bar greets everyone in the room, and Sookie speaks to him in a gentle, soothing voice. How come? Because someone has fucked with Re-Bar's brain.

Oh god, here we go again with the amazing Sookie. Another quote? Sure! Just so you can feel my pain. "I read a lot. School was tough for me with my little problem, but reading by myself gave me a means of escape from my situation. I guess I'm self-educated." I think what she means by self-educated is self-delusional. Why do we get this gem of a quote? Because she knows what a fucking lobotomy is. Congratulations. Anyhow, Stan wants to take care of Re-Bar because this was done while working for him. That's pretty nice, I guess. He could have kicked the lobotomised dude out on the street, and Re-Bar wouldn't have done anything about it.

The vamps start analysing who could have done this. A chick vamp, Rachel, comes in who had been there the night of Farrell's disappearance, and Sookie is no help here. Rachel talks about Blondie a bit, says there was a human there, we get a description of what Rachel is wearing for no reason, and Rachel gives a quick description of the human Blondie was with. Bill leaves to go do some research on a computer and leaves Sookie with Stan and his crew. Stan grills Sookie on how long she's been with Bill, if she's happy with him, etc. Stan calls in more humans for Sookie to read, and nothing really comes up, except for Sookie's judgemental skills (people are dull, have bad memories, etc.). Bill comes back and announces he's found out who Blondie is. His name is Godric, and he wants to die by going out in the sun. He's gone to the Fellowship (a cult who hates vampires - it's compared in the book as being the Ku Klux Klan but for vampires). Sookie realises she's in some deep shit.

Overview:  Sookie flies for the first time, arrives in Dallas and almost pepper-sprays a "priest". She does some mind-reading for Stan, the head vamp in Dallas, and shits a brick when she finds out that the Fellowship is involved in a vampire disappearance.


  1. Cute fonts for this blog... I will recommend this blog for you :) More Powers! (please update for the new upcoming episode!)

  2. Thanks many times!! I'll be updating soon, I swizzizzare!!